Moving Out!

19 may be a little young in some people's view, but when I'm financially stable and in a committed relationship with my 24 year old boyfriend still living at home with his parents, it is a perfect time to get out own place. We've done exactly that! The move in date is May 22nd just before the NASCAR race that Sunday that we're going to! That weekend is going to be eventful. We first tried going to an apartment complex in Matthews near the Aboretum, but that fell through. Thankfully that same day we found another place. It is cheaper, but beautiful and much closer to work and school than the other place. Charlie and I are thrilled. We've already started painting our furniture for our place and planning what we have to buy and how to decorate. My parents are supportive and of course are openminded. I am glad we both come from very supportive families with good backgrounds and morals. Our parents love us and always want the best for us.

Yankees

As an avid Yankee fan, you stick by your team through their good times and bad. Red Sox fans know this drill. Unfortunately, now Yankee fans have become accustomed to Yankee losses. The Yankees are on a losing streak so far this season and it's aweful! The game last night against the Red Sox was sad. They were tied 1-1 almost throughout the entire game, then gave aways 3 runs to the Sox! One run was a runner stealing home! I give props to the guy for that daring move, especially because he was abnormally fast, but still, as a Yankees fan, I was mad.
Back in 2000, a Red Sox movie was released only in the Boston area movie theatre called "We Still Believe". It was a documentary movie filming behind the scenes at the games and at fan's houses showing the pessimistic views of Red Sox fans. If the Yankees don't improve soon, maybe they'll produce a similar movie! What I do hope happens is that when A-rod comes back when his knee is healed is that we automatically start winning. He may just be the winning factor of that team, since he's not here and the rest of the guys cannot pull of a win.
No matter what though, I love my Yankees and always will. Coming from Boston was definitely a challenge having all Red Sox fans as friends, but in the south now, it's been a litle easier on us. I actually work with a few people who like the Yankees too! I even got my boyfriend to watch the games with me and choose the Yankees as his team in the MLB video game THE SHOW.

Hello Again

I haven't blogged in a really long time and I apologize for that. My work schedule and then trying to fit in homework time is to blame. I work almost forty hours a week and I'm still a full-time student, and no, I can't quit my job to have more time for school work because I'm moving out next month and I need as much money as I can get before then. My life has not changed much since I last blogged. Besides getting another raise at work, attending a few concerts and getting ready to move out, my life is still as its always been.
This past weekend I went to a Twiztid concert with my boyfriend. They are a two-man white, rap group in Pyschopathic Records. I know the name is harsh, but it's excelent music! The show was exciting and blew my mind! Their music is not like the rap you see on television. It is a little more hardcore and dark, but not scary! Before the show we went to a signing at Manifest in Charlotte. One of the guys, monoxide, said that my boyfriend has "the finest girl" there. Haha. I thought that was funny. I'm sure Charlie was flattered.
A couple weekends before that, we went to Atlanta for a Kottonmouth Kings concert. The room was filled with potheads, so that was entertaining, but the music was still fun! Upbeat, loud, and relevant to today, anyone can enjoy that kind of music! I had never been to Atlanta before, so that was an adventure. It was quite ghetto, but our hotel was nice. This coming weekend we're going back to Atlanta for the Braves game against Astros!

AB CONTOUR BELT

So has anyone seen the info commercials on t.v. about that ab belt that without working out, works your abs? I never purchase anything off t.v. normally, but I had to give this a try! Besides, what's a better time to start such a thing other than just before the summer starts? I'm going to need some abs anyways because I'll be going on my first cruise this coming October with Charlie and his family.

It feels great to be doing something for my body again, since I am out of high school and not involved in sports like volleyball and tennis anymore. I had my doubts, like all of you do probably about the belt, but surprisingly, what you see on the commercial is really how it works! I can sit down in front of a mirror and see my abs contracted and releasing as the intensity increases. The belt used microwaves exerted through gel pads to make the muscles contract and release. It basically feels like vibrations, which with time, become stronger and hurt just like a strenuous ab workout at the gym.

I started with intensity at about 30% and I am now, three weeks later, at 100%. I love this belt! I use it probably four times a day while doing homework and watching t.v. Especially if I am not tired at night, putting on the belt for 45 minutes does the job! With four payments, this belt was very affordable under my wallet. I can feel the difference and see the change and I couldn't be happier with my purchase!

Future Nursing, Here I Come!

I'm a little late in talking about this, but it's better late then never! So most my friends know that I originally applied to SPCC to get into the Radiation Therapy program so I could help future cancer patients. Well, to make a long story short, that did not work out. Almost, but not quite there. I've decided my next closest doorway to helping cancer patients would be to become a nurse, which is a much easier process, and work in a cancer ward! After talking to nurses at my doctor's office and my boyfriend's mom who is a nurse, I have decided this path is so right for me!

The first thing I had to do was switch my degree program from Associates of Science to Nursing. After doing that, I was informed I must take the CNA course prior to getting into the program. That had a requirement list of its own! I first had to get my TB shot, which formed a bubble under my skin and if infected, I would have a worse reaction. Obviously I didn't. Next, I got a titer blood-test done to test my immunity to the chicken pox. Of course, I am immune since I had the chicken pox as a young child. Every other shot I have already had and next was to sign up! After a whopping $310 later for entrance fee and shot fees, I am now signed up to be a certified nurse assistant for this summer!

My sister's friend, Devin Hasty, took the course last year and told me I'd basically "eat, breathe, and sleep CNA." I thought her choice of words were funny, but she's right. compacted into less than two months of material, I will be working very hard! I am going to have to cut down my work schedule at Carolina Made, which sucks, but oh well. I really could use the money so I can move out, but I'm going to move out anyways.

I'm so excited to be on my way to becoming a nurse!

NASCAR

I've been an avid fan of NASCAR for a few years now. Dale Earnhardt Sr. and Jr. cover my bedroom walls. Watching the race has always been exciting enough just by watching it on t.v. I never imagined I would ever go to a race! My dad always joked about it, and perhaps attempted to be serious, and saying he'd buy tickets for us to go as a family with my cousin, Brandon, who is a bigger fan than I am. I never take my dad seriously when he speaks of aspirations because a lot of the time they never happen. I know it is just his attempt at making everyone happy.

Luckily, I have a boyfriend who has taken my love for the race more serious than anyone else ever has. He is the one who has gifted everything NASCAR in my room. He never was a race fan himself, but compromised into letting me watch the race in between commercial breaks of Panther games. Through this, he's even grown to love the sport himself. I'm sure not as much as I do, but still that means something to me.

May 24th the date! Charlie bought us tickets to go see my man race! The one race I've missed was the one last year in June with Jr. won! Of course, I missed that one, because I was at the beach. Like an old Red Sox fan, I will always be prepared for the worst and not exactly expect my man to win. So, Charlie and I decided, that is Jr. gets screwed over, either in a wreck, or penalty, like he does often, we'll still yell loud and clear with excitement, not just to cheer Jr. on, but to hope and yell for Kyle Busch to lose. That will make the race just as joyful!

I couldn't ask for a better gift right now, and I cannot explain how excited I am for that day. I want to go all out, get all decked out in Jr. gear, since I already have some (obviously) I'll have to get Charlie Jr. attire. I'm thrilled, so I thought I would share my excitement on here to you guys!

To a Daughter Leaving Home

To a Daughter Leaving Home, by Linda Pastan, really struck home for me when I found it in our Lit. book. This past year I graduated high school down the road at Sun Valley High School and the only thoughts I knew were occupying my parents' minds was that they were losing another daughter to college. My dad is quite the emotional type and expresses his feelings, thoughts, worries and concerns on a daily basis to my sisters and me. My older sister, Hillary, is off at graduate school in Michigan and my twin sister is at UNCW. I know my parents were worried about losing me to, but at least I stayed right down the road.

The poem talks about a father teaching his daughter to ride a bike for the first time by herself. The speaker, the father, states in the first sentence "When I taught you" which implies this poem was going to be looking back on a memory. This father put a lot of thought and concern into teaching his daughter how to ride a bike, which kind of symbolized him teaching her to be independent, to grow, and learn on her own. I remember when I first tried riding a bike on my own as my father pushed me down the slight hill we lived on. You could tell he was nervous, like the father in the poem, and that he was worried and waiting for me to crash, but after a few times, I rode on my own with dignity and pride, alone, without my father.

The father in the poem describes the sight of his daughter getting smaller and smaller as she rode farther away. In this way, the poem shows how the daughter is getting further and further out of reach, exploring the road on her own as her father tried desperately to catch up. The words "more breakable with distance" shows that the father views his daughter as very vulnerable on her own. He, like any father, is probably used to always being there every step of the way in his daughter's life, and this bike riding lesson is what tears that tie between a father and daughter.

The girl is the poem is noted as screaming and laughing with excitement as she ventures on her own as her hair flaps in the wind "like a handkerchief waving goodbye." This last line of the poem jumps out at me. The father sees this as a goodbye, even though his daughter, still young, is only learning to ride her bike and will return home. This instance is like a foreshadowing for the father as to what years from then will be like when his daughter starts her own life and leaves home.

I think that the daughter leaving home later in her life is what made her father look back in time and remember when she first learned to ride her bike on her own and how it reminded him of her goodbye.

The Life of Jaws

I knew I wanted to blog about this when it happened, though it has taken me a few days to get to it. Last week, my very large goldfish that has been with my family for over a year clearly demonstrated the "fish out of water" effect. Up til that one morning, we had four fish, Jaws, a large goldfish, Wilson, a white and red cousin to the goldfish, and two others that I never cared to learn their names because they are Heather's fish. Anyways, we all knew the fish have grown rapidly over this past year and were outgrowing their tank, especially Jaws. We always joked about them jumping out of the tank because we've seen them jump to the top of the water, but swim quickly right back down.

Well, I was getting ready for school one early morning when I heard my mom return home from her night audit at a local hotel, when I heard my mom say: "OH, NOO!" Obviously, I was startled and asked what happened and what was wrong. She said Jaws was laying on the floor about four feet from the tank by the kitchen door. In the middle of the night, Jaws must have jumped a little to far up out of the water, to his death, on the kitchen hardwood floors and flip-flopped for about four more feet. Imagine how scared he was when he landed. I cannot even stand the thought of drowning and that is exactly what Jaws experienced, but in air. If only someone was downstairs when it happened! Then, perhaps someone, even myself, would have been there to hear his fall and quickly pick him back up and put him back into the tank.

I can't old anyone responsible, but I was shocked and a little sad. I knew he was too big for the tank, but I didn't think he was big enough to accomplish such a leap.
I definitely am not going to purchase another fish though in his place. Jaws will be missed, but I still have Wilson!

In Loving Memory

Since I mentioned the death of my best friend's mom, Julie, four years ago I just have to talk about it now. Letting my feelings out always helps and yes, four years ago still seems like yesterday and it still hurts. I lived across the street from Jaclyn for eleven years in Milford, Massachusetts until I moved here in the summer of 2004. Jaclyn was mine and my sister's age so we went to school together and right off the bat became really good friends. Jaclyn's mom was a stay at home mom. I believe she used to teach (like my own mom) but decided to take care of the kids while Jaclyn's dad did his work in construction. My mom worked nights at the local Marriot Hotel so we often stayed with Jaclyn during the day while my mom slept. Julie fed us breakfast, even if Jaclyn wasn't getting up for school that day, and brought Heather and I to school quite often.

When Jaclyn's mom first got sick we were only in the second grade. She was diagnosed with bone cancer after experiencing severe pain in her hips. After a year in treatment, Julie beat cancer. She went into remission, which we all know leaves loopholes for the disease to come back. It wasn't until we were in the eighth grade that Jaclyn's mom got cancer again and this time it was a lot worse. I had spread to numerous locations in her body which led her to many different treatments of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. While her mom was gone at doctor and hospital visits, sometimes overnight, Jaclyn stayed with us. In this way, my mom was a second mom to her, like her mom was to us.

The cancer spread fast and by the end of the school year, Julie lost a significant amount of weight, her hair, and had at home care in her own living room in a hospital bed. She was given a reclining chair for patients like her that couldn't get up on their own. The chair was rather cool. It mechanically lifted the person up, making the chair push forward and upward. Regardless of the neat gadget, seeing my second mom like that killed me. When we found out we were moving because of my dad's job it couldn't have been more of bad timing. Julie was dying and we were leaving.

We kept in touch with Jaclyn daily throughout the summer of 2004 and told her to call when you know what happened. I was at the mall with my friend Sammy that cold day in December when Jaclyn called my cell phone. I knew it wasn't good. Julie had passed early that afternoon after strangely exhibiting signs of getting better. I burst out and tears and rushed home. My days were somber and to make matters worse my mom wouldn't let us fly up north to go to Julie's funeral. *I'm crying right now as I read this, even typing it is hard* At the time I had a livejournal online in which ironically, like we did in class today, wrote a poem explaining my feelings about Julie and the impact she had on my life.

I wrote about our blueberry toaster strudel breakfasts, trips to Cape Cod, and particular memories we had together, Jaclyn, Heather, her mom, and I. My mom sent a copy of my poem to Jaclyn's father who framed it and put it on top of Julie's casket the day of her funeral. Jaclyn told me everyone was shocked such a good poem came from a young girl like me, yet cried tears of happiness seeing how much impact Julie had on others' lives.

In memory of Julianne Duridas, Heather and I got tattoos of the cancer ribbon attached to angel wings. Mine is on my upper back and I look at it each day thinking about Julie. I know she's seen it and was probably there when I got it. My tattoo will stick with me forever. In this sense, Julie's memory and spirit will stick with me for as long as I live. I love Juile for the mother she was and how she impacted the lives of others around her. She was one courageous woman with optimistic views. She put up the biggest fight she had in her, but we all know even angels fall sometimes. Lesson learned: live each day to its best. Never underestimate the willpower and fight you have inside yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family that make you smile. Make a difference in others' lives. Be an outstanding role model, and in terms of cancer, always hope there will be a cure one day.

7 Minute Poem

In class today we were asked to write a poem about something that has happened to us that has taught us something. I automatically began thinking about the death of my best friend's mom who was like a second mom to me. She lost her fight to cancer on December 16, 2004 the day after Christmas. When Ms. Frailly said it had to be something recent, I knew since its going on Julie's fifth anniversary of her death this coming December that I would have to find something extremely more recent that has happened to me and taught me a lesson.

My second thought traced straight to my twin sister, Heather. Heather and I were born January 27, 1990 in Parsippany, New Jersey. Since that day we have been attached at the hip. Because we were the same age, we always shared the same friends, classes, and extracurricular activities such as cheerleading and tennis. It wasn't until this past school year that we were forced to be separated for a long duration of time than we were ever accustomed to before. Heather home to attend the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. I once thought I would join her there because the shock of her being gone was something I learned I could not bear. I now know she is planning to transfer this next school year somewhere closer to home.

The saying that "you never know what you got 'til it's gone" is so true and really plays a mental picture in my mind now. Throughout high school Heather and I fought constantly, mostly over stupid things that now seemed pointless. My senior year, I got in my first physical altercation ever, and this was with Heather. I started at our house one school morning and continued in the school parking lot. Somehow, it only landed me a spot in the principal's office and my mom had to come to talk to me. The administration said I could calm down or they wanted me to go home. Nevertheless, it's ironic how much we fought and took eachother's company for granted because now that were not together, we both feel like the other half of us it missing.

This past month we had our first birthday apart. She came home that weekend which was a couple days before our actual birthday to try to make things better, but it didn't. I guess the lesson I learned most was about myself and the reflection Heather holds to the inner me. We may have several differences, but on the inside, we are virtually the same. Heather is my other half and my absolute best friend. That is why I have learn a lesson or two about taking someone for granted.

Here is my poem:

There's nothing like
a twin bond
As different, yet
alike as we may be
Two eggs and two
very different sperm
combined to create a sisterhood
that stands out for all to see

Heather is my angel
My best friend
and the closest person to me
I'd never live another day
if I took for granted what others need

They need the comfort, joy
and understanding of
another the same age
To experience life with you
at every difficult stage

She truly makes a difference
in my life because
she sees what I see
I never thought I'd miss her so much
since she left for school out by the beach
And if there's one
lesson I ever learned
It was to hang on to those who teach

You see, this teacher is my sister
We've learned together
right and wrong
Even though we look
extremely different
We'eve been the same person inside all along

Today In Class

It is Wednesday and I'm in English 113. The week is almost over! Today in class I began by finishing evaluating Liz's paper and writing my thoughts, suggestions, and ideas down on the evaluating sheet. After doing so, we logged into our gmail accounts and made sure our first draft for paper #1 was in google documents. I realized I sent mine in a day later than Frailly wanted it, and I apologize; it is, however, better late than never. Speaking of my paper, I am glad with how its coming. I think that revising process will be fairly easy. I can't wait to share it!

A Conversation With My Father

Perhaps the conversation between the daughter and father in Grace Paley's "A Conversation With My Father" reveals Paley’s beliefs on how real life should be represented in fictional writing. The major conflict between the two resides in their different experiences of life and, therefore, different expectations for fiction. As they speak, the narrator relays the fact that her father was once a physician and then an artist and so, he has a keen interest in detail.

I did not find it surprising that the father was not pleased with the story the daughter originally drew up because we as readers had already discovered that her father was displeased with her writing style. However, it came as a complete surprise and quite ironic that when the daughter does come up with a better, more detailed, and tragic story, her father is saddened with the story and wonders how his daughter could write such a sad ending! How dare he! His daughter bends to his wishes and now it’s not what he wants anymore.

It seems to me that the ailing father will never be completely satisfied with his daughter’s fictional stories. Is his sickness the cause of such doubt in his daughter? Perhaps it is because he is sick that he feels like he knows tragedy like the back of his own hand. Yes, his sickness is reality, and yes, it is very sad, but that does not mean that his daughter does not know tragedy. Maybe she has yet to experience real tragedy, but when is that ever a bad thing? I think it will be hard enough on her when her own, doubtful father, dies and she loses one she loves. Just because someone is not in touch with tragedy as others out there, does not mean they don’t know what tragedy is. Every person who is alive and breathing and walking sees the good and bad events in everyday life.

The Yellow Wallpaper

"The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman is by far my favorite short-story we have read for homework yet. This storie explored the effects of postpartum depression and how insane a woman is capable of becoming, because of her raging hormones and the effect of confinement. This story, therefore, displays two key concepts: the effect of postpartum on a mother and the effect of confinement on any individual.

It is ironic that the woman's husband, John, confides her in the nursery upstairs in their summer home for "recovery" because it is in fact having recently given birth to a baby that has sparked the flame in her insanity. This story reminds me of something Stephen King could have come up with. It is creepy, yet intriguing, and makes the reader want to keep reading further. The confinement is what leads to the narrator's obsession with the wallpaper.

Since the window is barred and the stairs gated, she has only the wallpaper to stare at and imagine all sorts of things. The pattern and color of the wallpaper is fascinating to the narrator. Eventually she imagines figures that are later recognized as woman, creeping behind the patterns in the wallpaper. As the story progresses she feels that she was one of them and tears at the wallpaper gradually to prevent anyone from pulling her back into the wallpaper. Others see the tearing of the wallpaper as normal because of its awful smell and color. It astounds me that anyone that comes across the narrator in these acts dismisses them as having any harmful effect.

The fear of getting pulled back into the wallpaper drives the woman to want to jump out the window, yet she is scared of the women outside that she imagines. The ending really made me say "wow" when John breaks into the room, his wife tells him the wallpaper has made her insane and he faints as she continues to creep along the perimeter of the bare-walled room.

Boys and Girls

"Boys and Girls" stood as a symbol, in my mind, for women's rights, and women's equality in society. This story displayed the hardship and success of descending into adulthood. After reading this story, I think that gender stereotyping and relationships definitely play a role for many children in becoming an adult. Because the narrator was unnamed, I assumed, as playing a role in the story's theme, that the narrator is undignified as an individual because of her sex. Since her brother's name is Laird, which is another name for "Lord", I came to the conclusion that by the virtue of his gender alone, will one day become a master, like his father.

The narrator even states that she would rather work outside helping her father with the foxes, rather than stay inside helping her mother with "dreary and peculiarly depressing" work in the kitchen. It's significant that she calls her mother's housework "endless" and her father's work outside "ritualistically important" (Munro 513). The narrator kind of hypocritically states that her mother "was not to be trusted" (Munro 513). She is now stereotyping her mother as she wished others would not do to her. She goes on to say that "you could not depend on her, and the real reasons for the things she said and did were not to be known" (Munro 513).

One point that just bestowed me was when the narrator said that she did not expect her father to listen to anything her mother said and did not expect her brother to do the work she does. She is, again, assuming she is great and her brother is not, yet her mother is not important simply for being a woman. This story has quite conflicted views and because of that, I loved it. I found "Boys and Girls" very interesting.

"The Lame Shall Enter First"

I really enjoyed this story. The fact that a child only ten years old was capable of hanging himself was a huge shocker. This story definitely kept me on the edge of my seat. I thought it was although kind of Sheppard to want to help and enlighten Rufus, it was pitiful how naive and ignorant Sheppard was to his own son's need. Spiritually, Rufus believes in good and evil and is convinced he is under Satan's power to do evil. Unintentionally Rufus does, however, reveal to Sheppard the neglect his son was experiencing.

Norton, grieving his mother's death is in utter need of love and compassion that he is not receiving from his own father. Rufus, refusing the telescope Sheppard gives him, convinces Norton to look through the telescope to find his mom, and that he indeed can join her, but must die young in order to do so. Consequently Norton takes his own life, just short of his father's sudden compassion for him.

Lack of belief in God is the real antagonist in this story. Sheppard does not believe in God or Heaven and believes that helping others in the most important thing to do at this time. It is his lack of belief in God and empathy that blinds him from his son's need for love and creates a false understanding of what "good" really is. Moral good does not come from doing good, but from love and compassion.

*The Lame Shall Enter [Heaven] First* and all sins with always be forgiven.